


Rest in power big brother

by Mrs_Understood



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome Shuri (Marvel), Black Panther Shuri (Marvel), Dead t'challa, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, King T'Challa (Marvel), Okoye - Freeform, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Queen Shuri (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Understood/pseuds/Mrs_Understood
Summary: Shuri is left with some big shoes to fill. No- really her brother had really big feet.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	Rest in power big brother

Shuri was frozen. Every action, every blur of words, every comment didn’t have any weight, any meaning. It felt like the world was crashing down around her and she was suspended in pure air. Nothing was real anymore. Every moment of laughter, every smile every time where it hadn’t felt like she wasn’t being torn apart by a million shards of broken glass were gone. They would never come back as far as she was concerned. 

No one gave her time, no one cared. Her mother had gone into her room and not left since. It was a whirlwind of panic and fear, and all she knew was she was being shoved in a dress that didn’t fit her, and there were words in Wakandon that whizzed past her head, but she was frozen for all of it. 

“በዚህ ዘውድ አሁን ንግሥት ሹሪሽን እናሳይዎታለን” (With this crown, we now present the queen, Shuri of Wakanda,) 

She was on a chair- not a chair, a throne. It should have been her father, or her brother on it. And then Okoye was taking her hand and pushing her to the front and her breathing was being magnified. It finally registered that they wanted a speech from her, and she tried to straighten, shaking her head. It hurt, she would have blamed the new tight braids but it hadn’t stopped hurting for days. 

“My brother-” she paused, hearing her own broken voice echo through the silent crowd. “My brother was my hero. Everything he was, I chose to not be,” she said, pausing to swallow. She had no idea what she was doing. How could she honor him in such a short moment. “There will… forever be a hole in Wakanda’s heart, and in my heart for my brother,” 

She paused a moment, taking a deep breath and swallowing, looking to Okoye, who nodded slowly to her. “I may not have expressed with words my love for my brother, but that was because there was never a necessity for that between us. I am forever broken without him, and I know my country feels the same. I will never fill my brother's shoes, because he had giant feet,” She said with a watery chuckle. “But I will walk in my own, and I hope that you will be able to accept me,” 

She stopped, blinking hard as she looked out at the tear streaked faces of the crowd. “I hope that you will do me the favor of keeping T’challa in our hearts and minds in the following years to come with me, as… your queen,” she said, looking to Okoye. She felt uncomfortable saying it, like the words were too heavy on her tongue. “I love my brother. I will see you one day soon, I promise. Wakanda Forever,” 

“Wakanda forever,” 

-

It took two more days after her speech for it to reach the US, and by that time her mother had gathered herself. Unlike Shuri she released all her emotions, then bottled them, hidden away from the world. Whereas Shuri felt like her face was never dry anymore. If she could see her brother she would smack him for ruining her skin. 

Even though in the past she had waited with baited breath for the arrival of her friends the Avengers, now it felt like another chore. Another person she had to act perfect in front of. She was tired. The crown they had insisted she wear was heavy and her neck hurt, and all she wanted was to take it off and give it back. It was not hers to wear and never had been. 

Still, not wanting someone to come had never stopped it before, so she found herself staring down the ship Tony had supplied for transport to and from Wakanda with newly dried eyes and a face that she hoped looked somewhat put together. This wasn’t who she was, she didn’t wait at the shipping dock, she strutted out and interpreted the adults. This was wrong, it was too hard for her. She needed someone else to help. 

But there wasn’t anyone. It was her or nothing. 

“Tony, Pepper, lovely to see you,” Okoye said. She had hardly left her side since the incident, only allowing her to be alone in her room in case someone got a little too loud or nosy. Without her Shuri was sure she would have struck her own people by now. “I do hope you brought Peter,” 

“Okoye,” Pepper said with a smile. “He’s on the ship, he’ll be right out,” she said. “We flew out as soon as we heard,” 

“We want to know what we can do,” Tony said. “I don’t care how much or little it is,” 

“Why don’t we talk inside,” Okoye said. “Or would you be more comfortable on the ship?” 

“Whatever you want,” Pepper said. Shuri wasn’t sure she heard any of it, just nodding and smiling when she thought she should. Their faces seemed blurry to her and she realised with shame that she had allowed herself to tear up again thinking of how different this meeting was. 

Soon they were walking inside, it seemed that Peter had yet to join them, waiting on the ship for something or other. Okoye took her to her least favorite place on earth at the moment, the business room. It was a place she had never once gone when her brother and father were alive, and even when her father died she still spent most of her time there bullying T’challa. It shocked her now, how much time they both spent bored in this room when they could have been together. 

“Here you go,” Someone said at her elbow. She looked over, expecting Okoye, but instead seeing Peter, sheepishly handing her a pack of tissues, which she took gratefully. Instead of Okoye sitting at her right, Peter sat down next to her, fidgeting with his jacket. Okoye just raised her eyebrow, moving to sit on her left. 

“We’re committed to making this as easy as it can be for you,” Tony said. “We’re doing everything we can right now in America, because some of those assholes are trying to get over here, like it’s a fucking-” 

_ “Tony,” _ Pepper said. 

“They are trying to get here and we’re not letting that happen. I know you are fully capable of managing yourselves, but we do have Iron Man suits keeping everyone where they should be on our end,” Tony said. 

“And the news is being handled as well. I saw an unfortunate article already that’s being taken to court as we speak,” Pepper said. “We want to make sure he keeps his good name in America,”

“Thank you both,” Okoye said. “T’challa would have appreciated it,” She said. They continued to talk but the words flew past her. Even though she could look around and see where she was, all she could think was that she just needed to turn her head and her brother would be in the door or walking around a corner or in a chair at the head. But the third time she thought she saw a glimpse of him and it wasn’t she couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Excuse me,” She said, standing up very suddenly, startling them. “I- uh,” She said, buffering for a moment before just sprinting out the door. 

Everything she passed was a memory. There wasn’t a thing in this house he hadn’t touched, a place they hadn’t laughed, a hole they hadn’t punched. Without him it felt like she was losing the memories themselves. Could you still have a memory if the person you made it with is gone? 

Finally she made it to her room, which was no better, all she could see was the poster he helped her hang or the lamp he mocked her for or the toy he gave her, but at least it was private. She didn’t even make it all the way to her bed, just fell down on her hands and knees by her nightstand, suddenly choked by her own breathing to the point she couldn’t even scream. 

There were a lot of noises around her and she heard something that sounded like yelling. Something brushed her shoulder and the thought it would be a servant cleaning or maybe Okoye, but Peter was kneeling right by her, looking at her with pure concern. 

She covered her mouth, preventing herself from screaming in grief while she sobbed, still shaking. She didn’t know how much she owned Peter for not trying to hug her, or tell her it would be okay, but he did sit there, rubbing her arm and waiting for her to talk. 

“I don’t think I can breath,” she rasped, clutching at her throat. Peter jumped up, handing her a glass of water he poured on her nightstand. 

“Here,” he said, giving it to her. She took it as best she could, spilling a bit of it on her dress as her hands shook. She hated dresses. As soon as the water hit her mouth she became aware that her mouth was bone dry and gulped down almost all the water, coughing to warm up her throat. 

“Thank you,” She said finally. “I’m sorry I-” 

“Don’t,” Peter said. “Don’t stop freaking out because I followed you. You need to, I just want to help,” 

“I can’t do anything anymore,” She said. “I just can’t. He’s- he’s everywhere I see him at every corner, every hall, in my dreams. But I can’t reach him! I just want him back!” She said, tightening her grip on her arms. “How do I keep going on? How can I? Not like this? I won’t make it,” She stopped, breathing heard and looking at Peter. Peter set her water down after refilling it and looked at her. “How did you handle it? With Ben and May?” 

Peter sat back down in front of her, running a hand through his hair. “Have you ever gone swimming? Or even held your breath under water in a bathtub or something?” He asked. She nodded, whipping her eyes with one of his tissues. “I think it’s kinda like that. I always feel like those first few moments after you stick your head underwater. Like I can’t do it for a moment longer or my lungs will burst and everything will fall out from under me,” 

“So that never goes away?” She asked. “I cried for my dad but this feels like… like I lost part of me,” 

“It doesn't go away but it gets lost,” Peter said. “I like to do science. I can forget for a little bit. At first those moments are the worst, because then you have to remember, but eventually you start to get your feet under you, start to be able to fathom living your own life and not just theirs,”

“But what if…” She stopped herself, wondering if she would get in trouble for saying it. She said it right when he died and her mother smacked her too hard the ring cut Shuri’s lip. “What if I don’t want to live without him?” 

“That’s the scary part,” Peter said. “I… tried very hard to join my aunt when I lost her. I just couldn’t handle being alive when everyone I thought I loved left me forever. And in the last few months- it’s scary Shuri. I started to want to live. Even without her, or Ben, or even my parents. I wanted to be here, and- I know your brother want’s you here,” 

“He’d… he’d probably whoop my ass if he saw me in the underworld. Bet he thought he just got a break,” she said with a watery giggle. “I- I just can’t believe how much I miss him,” 

“It’s hard,” Peter said. “And it hurts for a long time,” 

“I just want it to be better,” She whispered. “How long until it gets better?”

Peter didn’t seem to have an answer for her, leaving them to sit in silence until she fell asleep.

-

“Shuri, it is time for you to get up,” Okoye said, nudging her with the blunt end of her spear. “They expect you,” 

At some point Shuri had moved from the floor to tucked tightly into her bed, under the dark purple

“I can’t Okoye. Not today. Not anymore,” Shuri said, pulling her blanket over her head. Okoye took the sharp end of her spear, jabbing the end of her blanket and tearing it off. “Please?” 

“You are not the victim,” Okoye said. “Why act like it? This will make you stronger,” 

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” She said. “I just want it to go away. I want to go back to normal,”

“If you want normal, make your own normal,” She said. “A new normal,” 

“I don’t want a new normal,” She said. “I want it to go back to the way it was,”

“Someday you will feel like it’s always been this way. You are strong Shuri, don’t let your mind trick you otherwise,” She said. “The guests are waiting, and your mother can only entertain them for so long,”

“Okay,” she said, shaking her head. There was no point trying to argue with Okoye. “Okay…”

She got dressed in the clothes that had been selected for her, pulling them stiffly over her body and slipping on her heels they had insisted she wear. She was about to leave when she paused, looking at the photo of T’challa he had cockily hung on her wall himself. 

“If I’m queen now…” She said, hearing her voice shake. “I’m sure as hell not wearing a corset and heels,” 

She turned back, stripping off the foren clothing and rifling through her closet until she found her favorite ripped jeans and a SI shirt she had stolen from her brother. She pulled on her vans and tugged her hair back into two buns that sat low on her head. Her brother would be scoffing at her now, he had always cared a great deal about how Wakanda was represented. 

“Take that T’challa,” She said, slamming the door behind her. Something other than crushing grief seemed to be living inside her now. Some kind of manic energy. And while it still felt awful and wrong and out of place, she would take it. 

“Shuri…” Okoye said, seeing her outfit. “What are you doing?”

“What you said,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Creating my new normal.” 

-

Two weeks later she was placed at the top of a stage, filled with bright lights that made her to hot and sweaty camera men. At least she knew how to handle the heat. They had told her that the sooner she made a statement to the world the better, clear up any misconceptions about his death, so here she was. Peter had let her borrow one of his science shirts, and she was in ripped jeans again, her hair princess leia style. 

“Hello, I am Shuri, queen of Wakanda,” She said Even though nothing felt like it had changed her voice was stronger, and her eyes were dry. “I am here to tell you that my brother, T’challa, has died. We will not be releasing any details of his death at this time, but know he passed as he lived, a hero,”

That’s where the cameras should have cut, but she kept talking, making it too awkward for them to. “My brother was a very kind and professional man. I am not. While Wakanda will continue to thrive, do not expect the US to get the same favor it has before. My brother did not want to burn bridges but I am more than happy to,” 

She watched with a grin as the producer ran around the set,trying to get them to cut the cameras. She had to talk quickly. “My brother would also have given you a note of hope and love, but for the rest of the world I feel no such things. I do hope you are prepared for what is about to come your way,” She said, forcing a grin on her face. 

_ “Cut cut cut-” _ they whispered in the background. 

“Rest in power, big brother. Wakanda Forever,” She said, looking directly into the camera. “Wakanda Forever,”


End file.
